Days 16-18: Hump Day: Letting Myself Go

Days 16-18: Hump Day: Letting Myself Go

  People have been pointing out that I am slacking on my blog. I have been updating days instead of daily.  I could probably lie and say its because I am busy but that is not true.....The truth is that I am losing my mojo.
 I was doing great. Feeling good. Looking good.  Loving myself.
Actually during the weekend I thought I would write a post about how much I love myself. How this project has helped me get rid of any ex-bf feeling residual and men in general because I have started loving myself so much: feeling like I am the shit and I can do anything! I was on top of the world!!!

Ugh but then it happened.......IIIITTTTTT HAPPPEENNNNEEDDDDDD.
...............I dont even want to say it out loud, out of fear that he might hear me..............


I was out with friends looking good, having fun, enjoying myself, being the f-ing 10 that I am!...... and then.....Ugh.
 NWG texted me. UGGGHHHHHHHH. ALLLLL that work that I put into my project and my life, went down the fucking toilet.  JJJEESSSUUUSSS,, WHYYY!??!?!?!??!?!! *(reference to the questions and comments at the end of Days 13-15)

And I went from this.....

to this......

                    
Eating away my problems.....regressing into a the depths of despair.
Ok that is not true....honestly it was just probably all the alcohol I drank that made chicken wings look so delicious.....and after those 2000 calorie chicken wings, I have been living like there is no hope for me.

Well....except on Sunday when I had lunch with NWG. ( I know! why did I have lunch with him! ) After that I felt like I was back at month 1.....no. maybe month 6 of post breakup. And I was so disappointed in myself that I felt unworthy to be a 10.... I felt unworthy to be doing this project and having a blog following who supports me and encourages me daily.

So I started looking like a 4 on purpose:

I gave up on my outfit, didn't wear makeup, wore crocs, and put on my fat-days vest.

I rebelled against the project and myself. And since he very vaguely suggested that we see each other this weekend, I knew that what "post 6 month breakup Julianna" would have done is spend the next week preparing for the "date". The date that was never confirmed. The date that most likely won't happen. My preparation would usually involve: eating ONLY fruits and vegetables (to maximize my weight loss), drinking a shit ton of water (to ensure that I had clear skin for the date,  and exfoliating the shit out of my body (just in case he touched any part of it).

But after last night when I chose to wear my period underwear when I wasn't on my period,   had three new pimples on my chin and had eaten whole bag of the Grandma Iced Oatmeal cookies for dinner, I knew it was time to stop the slump and get my shit together.

So I took a shower even though I had already taken one. I washed my hair, exfoliated the shit out of my body, lotioned everything,  put pimple cream on my face, wore my sluttiest underwear, and resolved to finish my 30 days strong!

I also said yes to plans for this weekend because I am not going to sit around and wait for him to realize that I am the best thing that could happen to his weekend. So while he is sitting at home masturbating to google.com (where he works and my biggest competition for his attention), I am going to be out looking like a 10!

So this was me today: 

Crocs or no crocs, I am hot. 

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Questions and comments

  

     Earlier this week I received  a comment off of my post "In Defense of the Crazy" that said that I should go on a dating fast and use this time to 

work on my relationship with Jesus. My response to that:

1. I have gone on dating fasts twice in my life and even fasted from having friendships with men for a while. They were both the STUPIDEST THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE. If I could go back in time I would hit my Intervarsity staff for encouraging me to do this. And I want to hit myself for telling students to do this while I was on staff. Because I fasted from dating so long, I have now become a dating whore, trying to make up for lost time. And since I only really started dating when I was 24, I missed pivotal maturing opportunities through relationships. Also, having inter-gender relationships is highly HIGHLY necessary to be a well rounded individual, and understand the opposite sex. 

2.  If you start an email with I have only talked to you once and/or haven't talked to you in a long time then it is probably not a good idea to use a blog as a gauge on how someone's relationship with Jesus is doing. But thanks for your concern.