My roommate recently went to LA, where he met my cousin who could have said anything about me but instead he says: "Isn't Julianna immature?" Now I want to acknowledge two things:
1. In awkward "I dont know you that well, and have nothing to really say to you" situations we all tend to have verbal diarrhea. My cousin may have had that moment.
2. I know I have a tendency to be immature. This is reflective when I whine, throw tantrums, make stupid decisions, ask my parents for money (even though I have a FT adult job) and laugh at farts, burbs, poop, and the word wiener. I am a 26 year old-18 year old.
This may be because I am the youngest child and have a "youngest child complex" or because I come from immigrant parents who have the "I want to give my children everything I never had" mentality. or because I am an ex (or not so ex) "fat girl".
I don't have a many pictures of those days but here are some.
Here is me in college (left)- my freshman year. I remember this day. My parents came to visit me and when they saw me they thought I was pregnant, because they couldn't believe I gained so much weight so quickly. Thank you, dining hall food. #freshman25 :(
Sometime post college I decided that I was going to lose weight and I lost 25 lbs, which made a HUGE difference. But now that I look better, I am trying to make up for the time that I missed being fat. But I am 26, not 18. Ergo- my quarter life crisis: fascination with all things glitter, Justin Bieber, Twilight and now Harry Potter.
I wish that is where it stopped, but it doesn't. Even before now, I have always had a thing for younger men. When I was in the 6th grade I liked Michael P, a 4th grader; when I was in the 8th grade I liked Art A. a 6th grader; when I was a senior in college I liked a freshman named Sam S. he was on the school's baseball team. I used to stalk him at all the baseball games and go to the gym and dining hall religiously in hopes that I would see him. He thought I was the biggest loser in the world because I was a 4th year living on campus. {I lead a Bible study on campus (didn't help my "loser image") and one of the rules was that you couldn't date a freshman- something about "a shepherd eating their sheep" (biblical reference). What they didn't take into account was that by living on campus and hanging out with Freshman, I would forget that I am not one of them. So I forgot that I was a 4th year, clearly much wiser and important than freshman. But no, I was fascinating by this pot smoking, gym going, baseball playing, piece of man meat.}
Flash forward 4 years later, and I have fallen into the same trap. I am 26 but I have been hanging out with a bunch of 22-23 year olds. I don't know how this happens....but I just gravitate towards a younger crowd. Maybe its a symptom of my quarter life crisis, maybe its because older people are more stuck up, maybe its because I am afraid of sex and the older people get the more sexually active people are.
Even when I was dating NWG, one of the reasons I was so attracted to him was that he looked young. He was 2 years older than me but looked like he was 2 years younger than me. The problem (I realize now) is that he had the maturity of a 40 year old man, but I was too distracted by his boyish good looks to notice that his personality wasn't as "young" as mine. It was especially not helpful because he was 27 going on 40 and I was 26 going on 20. So it was like having a 40 year old date a 20 year old. #fail #ew
So now I see that this is a HUGE PROBLEM in my dating life because I am a Ten and I want to be treated like a Ten. I want a Real Man who treats me like a Real Woman: who asks for my number, calls instead of texts, buys me a drink, pays for my dinner, opens doors, let me get in and out of the elevator first, gives me the seat on the bus, walks on the "right" side of the street, understands how women operate, does not get overly (and I mean OVERLY) excited by just making out and isn't "done" before it even gets started. But I also want a guy who is fun, outgoing, adventurous, energetic, and has boyish good looks.
But real men are old :( And young guys are dumb :(
***************
QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS:
One of my charming 22 year old friends told me that I was "boy crazy" this week and attributed to the contents of my blog. In response to that I said "what would you like me to talk about? my work. how exciting would that be- to blog about finance." I give the people what they want and honestly thats what I want to give you. Also, Why is it socially acceptable and common knowledge for people to say that "men think about sex all the time". What if I said that when I think about boys- I am thinking about having sex with them? Does that make it okay for me to be "boy crazy" then?
No comments:
Post a Comment