Day 10 and 11: The multifunctional gym

Hello, Are you my new to my blog. I noticed that you have been going through all of them. I just thought I would pop into the next one you will read and say hi! Thanks for reading!! :)

Day 10 and 11:

 I have what I call....a naturally fat body. My body just wants to be fat: I crave food I shouldn't eat. I am constantly hungry. I am only satisfied when it hurts. I have a bum knee that bitches every time I even walk up the stairs. I run at the pace the treadmill says is brisk walking.....Like I said, My body wants to be fat.  And I am constantly fighting with my body to keep it from getting there. That is One of the reasons I go to the gym.

Reason #2:  In recent years I have become really restless, to the point of wanting to be violent. (this is arguably a symptom of sexual frustration.....i agree with the argument.)
 In response, I tried every class known to a gym and  found Combat Cardio, where I can hit the shit out of nothing......but pretend that I am hitting the shit out of everything.

Reason #3: Going to the gym 4-5 times a week, means that I see the same people 4-5 times a week.  And always make friends at the gym.

 I usually like having friends that are paid to be my friend because then I don't feel bad about asking them for things. Like taking my picture:

Reason #4: It gives me a reason to be slutty. Yes, you can be slutty at the gym.  Gym clothes are tight, revealing, and if you work out right then you are sweaty doing it...which is the icing on any slutty outfit.  

Reason #5: Endorphines. I have taken vitamins, supplements, eaten a lot of kale, etc. but nothing gets me as energized and happy as going to the gym...... except coffee.  When I feel fit, thin, and healthy....I am a better person. When I feel ugly and fat I am grouchy. Going to the gym is more about feeling good then looking good. Although looking good affects how I feel.

This is me high on coffee after work...So excited to go to the gym:

This is me high off the elliptical:

Reason #6. Sometimes my motivation is also my achilles heel. 

The mat: the place where I do my stretches, crunches, daydreaming.............and look at this:

and this....

and this....

:)

And not only did I leave the gym with a hot body and a good attitude....i left with this:

A Phone number!!!! (Actually, its an email. why an email? because I didnt want his phone number.....actually I didnt want anything from a guy that won't ask for mine but instead gives me his information. Fucking pansies!)

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Questions and comments:

   There is absolutely no motivation in going to the gym for men. Why? because for some reason all the men in the gym are married. I dont know what it is, but I think men use the gym as an excuse to get away from their wives. Psh. Not my husband! I am going to be giving my husband such a workout he won't even NEED or WANT to go the gym. ;) #myhusbandisgoingtobeoneluckymotherfucker!

Day 9: Vagina Monologues

Day 9: Vagina Monologues

 Today I got my period (and this is when the men stop reading. ) What this means is that I ruined a pair of underwear, cried at work, yelled at a homeless man, defriended a ton of people on facebook, cried at the gym, ate an entire bottle of midol, missed my parents, ate a box of chocolates, thought I looked fat, cried because I have no friends, blamed it on being fat, cried because I have no boyfriend, blamed it on being fat and crying too much, cried because my vagina hurts and cried because that is the most my vagina has felt in a long time. It is really hard being a woman!

A wise man once said: "If men need to practice self control and keep it in their pants, then women need to practice self control and keep it together." -BZ


In regards to my 30 day challenge....Isn't it really hard to look good when you feel like crap?
NO! Even my ugly looks good!


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Questions and Comments:

The only picture that would be appropriate for this.

Day 8: For the 22 year old me.

Day 8: For the 22 year old me

I am so glad I am doing this project, if I wasn't I would have totally let the 22 year old version of me down. I ran into my 22 year old self's "love of my life" and for this entry I will affectionately call him "freakishly tall" or FT.
FT was my college crush. No....FT was my college LOVE (except he didnt love me back.....story of my life.) I loved him for 4 years. From the first time I saw him my freshman year in the college cafeteria- to my senior year when he had already graduated the year before. The memory of FT still lived on. He was tall, good looking, loved Jesus, smart, mysterious (didn't talk a lot), and the cream on the icing is that every girl wanted him).

I ran into FT on Sunday, at church (go figure). The 18-22 year old me had probably dreamed of that moment everyday of her college life  and here I was living it out. And the 22 year old me is SOOOO GLAD  I am doing the this project and did not look like total shit.  I wore real clothes (not the gym clothes which I typically like to wear on Sundays (even if I dont go to the gym)); I did my hair the night before for a Halloween party; and I wore just enough makeup to make me look good but not trashy.  FT, eat your heart out!!!
Of course......26 year old me was excited for 22 year old me, but  26 year old me was...... not interested.
Sorry, FT.
Maybe it was his  girlfriend of 3 years that was sitting next to him which left him unappealing (even though that probably was not it. Because I am not above being a total home wrecker.) But maybe I just realized that I am different and 26 year old me just doesn't want that anymore. Sure he still looks like Paul Walker, is probably good at everything he does, loves Jesus, is smarter and he probably talks more now but.... "eh".... I dont know. "eh".

Point is......26 year old me fell in love last year with someone I will affectionately call "Nerdy White Guy". Even then I knew what I wanted and NWG wasn't it.  I know 29 year old me will thank 26 year old me for putting up with a broken heart for the past year so that I don't have to wake up one morning and be married to someone and go "eh".

This is one of my favorite pics of me and FT. It was one of our "proms". 

(If anyone tells him there is a blog entry written about him......well....he should take it as a compliment. FT, Your welcome.)

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Questions and Comments

NWG does not have access to my blogs even though we are fbook friends.
Facebook, thank you for having very specific privacy settings.


FT does not have facebook....... or maybe he does and he has defriended me.

Day 6: Always Be Ready and 7: TLC

Day 6: Always be Ready
   Today, I regressed. I'm sorry to let everyone down. I didn't wear my crocs  and I wore makeup. But something was super off.  It might also be that by Friday I was so sleep deprived from being in class until 10 at night, and having to be at work at 7am. Throw in the Blogs-- I wasn't really sleeping a lot.

That is why I decided to sleep last night versus not updating a Day 6 Blog entry. I love you all but it is really hard to be a 10 on less than 5 hours of sleep a night.  Not only was I physically looking like a zombie but I was starting to act like an ogre.

So I was in bed by 8pm until  I was woken up by the sound of my roommate playing a guitar.  Now you would think that because I live with a guy, my house would be swarming with hot men let alone guys all the time. But that is not the case.  He rarely if ever has guys come over. So I jump out of my bed wearing my frumpy pajamas, with my messy hair, and my I'm going to kill you face and I walk straight into........ a room full of men. :O
I immediately cover my boobs, because I am wearing a tight white shirt with no bra Next I reign in the crazy that just exploded all over the place.
awwwkkwwarrdddd.......

So what did I learn?
1. I am way to comfortable around my roommate because I freely look like shit around him. And regularly wear both my hoochie and frumpy pajamas.
2. I must always be ready to look good, even when I am sleeping because you never know when you are going to need to look good. (I should have known better. I am a victim of the Northridge Earthquake of 1994, where the quake happened at 12ish at night and we all had to run into the streets in our pajamas)

Day 7: TLC
  It was about time I get my eyebrows done. I had a facial peel last week and needed some downtime, unless I was okay risking having my skin come off. but i couldnt wait any longer. I mean look at this:

 Hmm...That actually doesnt look that bad.....but when you look at me up close....

Even closer...

So I went to Brow Bar in Union Square. I thought because it is Brow Bar they only do eyebrow and I wouldn't need to worry about them pointing out my mustache by offering to do it too.  Sweet.

Instead the lady brings over a product and said "this would be really good for you"...

"This is Porefessional. It minimizes the appearance of pores. It is made with Silicon so it just goes into your pores and fine lines and fills them. It would work wonders. I strongly recommend it.

Me: Bitch, Fuck you! 

...okay I didnt say that. but I did say "No, Thank you. The Grand Canyon is one of the seven wonders of the world. Maybe my face will be the 8th."...okay I didnt say that either.

At least she didn't ask me if I wanted to get my mustache done.

:10 minutes later.

Lady: "Do you want me to do your upper lip too?"

 I just responded cool and collectively "No, Thank you.  I am actually getting that lasered off (Booyah)"

So she finishes my eyebrows. And I look beautiful...... until she starts filling them in.

She took this picture, which is why I am smiling.
When she turns around. I take this one:

Listen Lady, if I can thank my Persian heritage for one thing its that I will NEVER have to fill in my eyebrows! 

 I rubbed it off when I left the place. I didnt have the heart to tell her, that i looked like a drag queen.

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Questions and comments:

    When I was in college I use to give up doing my eyebrows for Lent. I would think and truthfully it was....a very humbling experience. It helped me be more aware of my vanity and how I interacted with men, because for those 40 days I would hide under a rock never to be seen by guys, let alone people in general.

My eyebrows or the eyebrow they can become are one of the reasons that Myra says I am naturally a 4.

I have henceforth told Jesus that I will never grow out my eyebrows again, and that I am fine being vain.

Day 5: The 15 minute difference

Day 5:  The Difference 15 Minutes Makes

I used to think that looking good took a lot effort. Actually....it doesn't. I am only waking up 15-20minutes earlier to straighten my hair and put on makeup. This morning it took me less than 15 minutes and I had time to straighten up my room a little bit. + +
Both of these things left my feeling good and confident.

Now you might think......"But Julianna, you are so naturally beautiful. Of course it would only take you 15-20 minutes. But it would take me much longer." And to that I respond with....
"yes I might be beautiful. Not to mention funny, smart, and charming. BUT....actually I REALLY need to get ready in the morning because when I wake up I do look like shit."
And here is the proof:

6:08am:

This is my just wake up look.  My hair is wavy, my face is puffy, my attitude is awful. I AM F_ING TIRED!

The truth is that I actually took that picture at 6:08 because I had spent the previous 3 minutes trying to take a good looking "unattractive picture". I mean....I could not put up what I really looked like in public. But since I am trying to be honest here.....these are the others:

6:06am-6:07am

But I sucked it up even though all I wanted to do was sleep. I straighted my hair, put on makeup, and perfected my outfit. And it paid off because later that day:

10am:

                      


 

Look at me??? Dont I looked like a.....conceited mother fucker for asking my coworkers to take pictures of me while I was in the break room. :/

BUT I did it for the sake of this blog.  AND dont I look okay? LOOK at those heels!  Actually I look better than okay, I look hott!!!! Maybe....too hott for working at a professional financial advising firm. Maybe....a little skanky? Woops. Actually the dress I am wearing (yes, its a dress), is something that I wear when I go out. And I wear it without the leggings. So I did try to modify for the environment I was in, but what is that saying about me on a weekend??? To be relevant though....what it is really saying is that I am succeeding at bringing the 10 me from Friday/Saturday nights to Monday-Friday 9-5. On the positive, if I find a date then....I will at least know its not because he is drunk. Holleerrr!!!!

In summary: All it took was 15 minutes. I mean....granted there are things that haven't gotten done but they are going to because they are things that probably wont take that much time either. 

Like shaving my legs (3minutes). Getting my nails done (30m to an hr....of relaxing!). Getting my eyebrows done (15 minutes). Shopping for nice clothes (time seems to stand still.). Going to the gym (all you need is 20minutes of increasing your heart rate a day). Taking vitamins (5 seconds.....10 if the pills are big). Lotioning my whole body (30seconds).

Why are we so lazy? It really doesn't take that much time!!!

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Questions and comments:

  

On a serious note: This blog has been so good for me. YOU GUYS, have been so good to me. I really appreciate everyone's feedback and support. I think my favorite part in this whole process is hearing about how people have undergone their own breakups and have moved on or are moving on too. There are such few things that we acknowledge that unite us, but broken hearts should be one of them. Turning something so devastatingly negative into such a beautiful thing. Even though I want to punch Jesus because I had to breakup with my ex boyfriend I want to hug Jesus because he gave me some of the best friends to go through it with. Even though I am sure that they want to punch Jesus too, because they had to go through their own painful breakups, for Jesus to show how much he really does love us. Although....i would really like Jesus to be loving me with a sexy super model boyfriend, who is emotionally available, has good communication skills, self aware, loves hip hop music, has a big penis, and loves God.  What? was it the penis that caught you off guard? or that God came last?......hmm....the answer to that says a lot about you. 

-Amen.

Day 4: Bad Habits

As good as I look, I need to stop doing these things:

1. Although I may think crocs are sandals, other people don't think so. So in the way that I kick off my sandals and run around barefoot, apparently I cannot do the same thing with crocs. Either that or my feet are incredibly disgusting because whenever people see me barefoot they look like this:

2. I have started a really bad habit of doing this:

I do it everywhere. While I am on the computer at work, while I am standing waiting for something, while I am talking to people, at the dinner table, .... I dont know where it has come from. But its a really comfortable position..I dont want to stop doing it.  it just looks really manly and unattractive. Plus it forces my face into my neck giving me a double chin.

And most importantly, it gives people a direct visual line to my armpit, which I think is really gross. (armpits are really gross, we should not talk about it anymore, I am just going to get grossed out).


3. I have also been doing this Captain Morgan pose too


 where I put my leg up on everything. It is really manly and unattractive AND gives everyone a direct visual to my coochie. Coochies are not disgusting, especially NOT mine. :)

4. I also scowl a lot. It is my thinking face, my confused face, my angry face, my tired face, my hungry face, my sad face, my happy face, my excited face, .....:/ its just my face.

5. The 15 second rule....... In the past couple months, I realized I can't do it anymore because apparently its "disgusting". What that means is that...I can't do it anymore in public, because I strongly believe that most food is contamination free if you pick it up off the floor before 15 seconds or longer. 

I will continue to add to this list as I learn more about what is unacceptable.

I am not convinced farts, burps, poop, wee wees, are unacceptable and I shouldn't be doing it or talking about it.  That is why I have intentionally refrained from putting them in this list. I think its society that needs to be changed on this one, and come to accept that its a natural human occurrence..... that will forever be funny.

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Comments and questions

Will hopefully have more time to update this section later this weekend.

Day 3: The Invincible "Ten"

I think I have gotten a little carried away with my confidence and am teetering on toooooo confident.

1.  I wrote an important paper for school today. Did I mention it was due today? (And I work Full-time) Apparently, I think that because I am a "10", I am also an incredibly talented writer. This is not true, and can be validated by my SAT score in writing. If I recall, I was one of the ones that scored so low I had to get placed in a remedial writing class in college. 

2.  I have started eating everything and anything as if calories can't touch me. 

3. Most importantly.....Today I thought I was Mariah Carey and the diva in me decided to wear 3 inch heels to work ; As if my one day when I wore heels on Sunday, had magically given me the ability to work heels 8 hours straight. The real test came when I decided to walk to Walgreens from my office.

**Google Maps clearly does not take into consideration someone that is wearing heels. because it DID NOT take me 1 minute to get to Walgreens!! It actually took me an embarrassing 7. And that block is longer than it looks on the stupid image! I was trying so hard to not embarrass myself in the shoes by walking slowly and not wincing with every step. So I came up with a genius plan (note this ladies.) I just pretended to be super engaged in my phone, which allowed me to get away with walking slow. To everyone else it looked like i was walking slow because I was on my phone, super engaged in a text, or super engaged in my email. I don't care what they thought, just as long as they didn't think that I was an idiot in heels. 

 And there was a moment where there was a crowd of young attractive people infront of me, waiting for the crosswalk, and the bitch infront of me with her long blonde hair has heels on that are higher than mine, and wore heels like she could run marathons in them. But this blonde bitch had nothing on what was to come......

Longest crosswalk of my life!!!! There was no way that I would get across the street in the amount of time the "walking man" gave me.  I was covered the ground at 1 step per 2 seconds, no way that 9 seconds was going to be enough. 

I did cross the street and get to walgreens eventually and then  1. I realized it was <60 degrees and I was sweating and 2. I could only fake being on my phone for so long before I ran out of things to fake doing.

 I  briefly contemplated how I would get back, thinking that it might just be better to take my shoes off. But I sucked it up and faked being on my phone for another 7 minutes.

 I did give me time to notice things about the street that I never noticed before: How many girls wear heels. How many people have a complete lack of respect for cross-walk signals. How cars that are at red light turning right have such little patience for pedestrians crossing the street. How dangerous it is to look at your phone while crossing the street, even if you are fake looking at your phone.

And then I saw it. something that had always been there, and has always been everywhere, but never meant anything to me.....

What is this?????

 You call it a crack on the ground! I call it a huge injury!!!!! Imagine getting your heel stuck in one of those badboys. It has faceplant written all over it.

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Comments/Questions:

1. Can heels really make you more attractive? 

You, probably yes.  Me. No, not yet. Especially when I am limping everywhere, walking the speed of a snail, and having my feet accidentally slide out of my shoe revealing how I have covered my foot in corn cushions.

2. Sorry for not including more pictures of myself. You will just have to trust that I look fabulous or see me in person!!! ....I feel a "Ten" party coming on!!!

Day 2: "Tens" first day at work

Day 2: "Tens" first day at work.

  Ok that is not true. When I first started working at this company I used to care and look nice every day and maybe 2 weeks into it I realized I had the job and didn't need to try anymore.

This morning I woke up 20 minutes earlier to get ready for work.
And it is a good thing I got ready this morning because God has blessed me with another great start to my "10" morning. Picture this:
 It is early, still dark outside. I am waiting for the bus and reading a book. (sidenote- I was also doing that stupid thing where I look like a "roll on deodorant" (it was cold!)) It starts raining. So I had to put my book away to open my umbrella, when I notice a guy next to me without an umbrella.  Because I woke up early, got ready,  and was feeling like a 10- I had the confidence to walk over and share my umbrella with him. I didn't even ask. I was thinking "ya- you are lucky to be me sharing my umbrella with me!" (ok that is not what i was thinking. I was probably thinking....this is going to make me feel really awkward if I stand here with am umbrella while you are soaking). We started talking and having a really romantic moment under my umbrella when I notice his BIG FAT WEDDING RING! UUGGGHHHH. (deflated) There goes my romantic moment, the wedding bells, our future children,..... his wife is such a cockblock.

No its good that he was married, because I would have hated to reject him when he asked for my number. Cause....clearly that is what he would have done. I am a 10, remember!

Ultimately, the point is.....because I felt like a 10- I had the confidence and balls to do something that I might have otherwise not done.  Haven't we heard that "confidence is sexy". Well I know if I were to look like a 4 I would have gotten shy and awkward, super quickly.  For one....it was dark when we were waiting for the bus. And I look 100x better in the dark. When we got into the bus it was bright, and I am talking some ugly ass florescent, show every pimple you had ever had in your life bright. So when we got in, since I was made up. I felt okay. I wasn't worried about my pimples, big pores, bushy eyebrows, chin hairs (not that i get any :/), or mustache. I had take care of all this already. I washed my face (which I might always remember to do, but I am usually still asleep so I dont remember), did my hair, and accentuated my best features with the help of my friend Sephora. And was able to talk to him on that bus, in the ugly ass lighting for the rest of the ride.

On a down note-- heels are killing me. I think I am getting corns. I actually bought a corn cushion

And since I was wearing tights, I just put them over my tights.

No biggy... no one will see them? WRONG!

There is always something that ruins any game I have. 

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Questions/Comments I would like to address:

1. Am I an egomaniac or insecure?

  Both. I think we are ALL both. Everyone of us. Even those people that you think are so fucking arrogant- are actually just so fucking insecure and those people that are so fucking insecure are actually just really annoying. 

 I am just...... confused. I like facts and quantifying things. Things should be black or white. (dont get me wrong I like that there is gray and when there isn't an answer- grey is my go to) BUT  attractiveness is relative and its subjective. IIII....dont know what to do with that?  So....that is why I am just going to do whatever the F I WANT TO DO!!!!!!! At least it will be the right answer according to ME. and IIII might be the only one that thinks I am a 10, but that is what is most important because....in the end.....everyone else is just wrong anyways :)

Egomaniac. That is my final answer.

2. Am I single and available for dates? Yes!  And you can reach me at......

 (just kidding. no one has asked for my number :(  )

Day 1:

 This morning a message from facebook woke me up where someone listed why they like my idea. To you, Thanks! I was really debating not following through with this, but that message motivated me to get up and put my "10" game on: makeup, hair done, tight jeans, and heels. It paid off because literally 20 feet from leaving my house, I got whistled at. Holleeerr!!! Granted it was an older Brown man driving by (God love them. Women might talk a lot of shit and pretend they are offended by their advances, but ...we can be equally offended when they don't say anything.)
I think God sent me this nice brown man to give me the confidence and boost I need to walk the.... SEVEN BLOCKS TO MY CAR. #SFparking  (ya. that is a hashtag in a blog.)

Seven blocks, a car drive, and Trader Joes later I was able to live out a real dream of mine.

I wore heels to a grocery store!!!

I have always wanted to be one of those women that just puts on heels and goes to get groceries, as if its a normal thing to do. I think its the Latina in me.  (ftr. Myra took the picture and not some stranger).

So did I accomplish my being a ten?

 Depends who you ask.  The Brown- Latino man clearly thought I looked good. My friends....were quick to point out that I didn't do my eyebrows. (Thanks Jen!) While another friend of mine asked what I felt like and when I said a 7. She said....maybe a 6. Although, in my defense, she did say the average she would give out is a 4. So I still exceeded the average!  (Thanks Denise). And lastly my motivation for all this, Myra, gave me some important perspective. "It doesnt matter how good someone looks when their personality sucks."

Myra did make a great point. Here is why.... I looked great leaving the house but when I got to the picnic, where it was really windy,  what did I do....I did this:

All attempts at hottness have been destroyed and replaced by my "roll-on deodorant look" (-Myra Cheng). Also, note my heels which have been thrown to the side next to me.

 How does anyone look sexy when wind is blowing their hair every which way!?

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I now want to create space to address some comments:

1. Looking good is not about getting attention from men. If it was about that then I would a. not make it public for everyone in the world to see and b. have been trying a lot harder since before this challenge.  Looking good is about feeling good about myself. For myself.

2. Yes, I am aware that this might come off superficial, needy, and crazy BUT A. the people that are important to me know that I am not  B. Should I be lying or sugarcoating who I really am and what I really think?  C. maybe I am superficial, needy, and crazy!?!?!? Do you really want to be saying that to someone that is!?!??!?!?!

3.  I love Jesus. As a follower of Jesus I have lived a life trying to believe that he satisfies and have put myself in positions where I am forced to depend on this faith.....God created pharmacologists. I am just taking some aspirin right now.

Day 0:
  Today I formed the idea, but it has been over a year in the making.

What is the idea?
   Originally I thought I want to challenge myself to be a better me in 30 days. That is 30 days of breaking up different areas of my life and working on them. But there are too many of them and in the end I knew one would be more important to me than anything else......my physical appearance.  I know. I know. Superficial and vain, but..... (watch me not even try to justify) knowing that and having you judge me isn't going to change anything so I rather embrace it and run with it.

Idea continued....
   I think people, women especially are ALL beautiful. No, that is not true. I think, ALL people, women especially, have the ability to be beautiful. And I am not talking beautiful on the inside bullshit. I am talking about "rip off your clothes HOTT" beautiful. In Colombia there is a saying: "You are either beautiful or you are poor" meaning "you have either gotten plastic surgery or you can't afford to."   Well I want to apply the same thought to United States.... "You are either beautiful or you are lazy." Women are LAZY. Why do movie stars look so good? because they put a lot of effort into the way they look. Why do you look like shit, because you don't give a shit.
So reflecting on my own life. I am lazy too. I get to work at 7 and I wake up at 6:20. I jump on a train somewhere between 6:35-6:45, with a 5 minute walk to the train included in there. That means I am leaving the house with 10-20 minutes of getting ready. I know I look like shit, and I know why, because I am LAZY. I wear makeup maybe once a week, wear crocs everyday, and justify growing out my eyebrows by saying I need to grow them out to get them done (which is still true. but....not necessary).
 It is for this reason that my good friend Myra says I have the widest range she has ever seen. I can go from a solid 4 to a 10 if I really tried. I would agree with Myra. When I look good I LOOOKKK GOOODD. But when do I look good? Once a week....maybe, so 4x a week at most.  Lets do the math. That means that if I am regularly a 4 and am a 10 4x a month. Then I am....a 4.8 or a 5 on average, if I am rounding up. WTF! And even if Myra is just lying out of jealousy- she is on to something. I am still at best a 6 or 7. That is 70%....that is a D. I am failing.

The challenge:
  I want to go 30 days straight of being a 10. What does that mean? That means that I benching my crocs and my ugly sweater that gives me no waist. I am not leaving my house without at least mascara and blush. And my hair will never be wet in public. I will wear a dress even if it means I am freezing my ass, and I will wear heels until I am limping. And the only reason  I will remove them then is because limping is unattractive and not because I am in pain.

Why am I doing this?
 Probably because it has been a year since I broke up with my exboyfriend and even though I am sometimes over him, I am sometimes NOT over him. And that makes me depressed. I am not depressed because I miss him or we broke up, I am depressed because I still think of that mother fucker even though he broke my heart and took a giant shit over my life. What is wrong with me!?
So after doing therapy, an embarrassing amount of online dates, 2 quasi relationships, 2 trips to Vegas, a lot of drunk makeouts, attempts at hypnosis, and finally debating doing drugs, I decided I need an upper. And what makes me feel good about myself...Looking good.
   Also, since I stopped dating and my friends all decided they are going to be assholes and not hang out with me, I have a ton of free time.


Today: day 0:
 A week ago I got a facial...it didnt do shit. Today I went and got a stronger one.
I also just took a laxative, preparing myself for the hot body I am going to work on having for the next 30 days. And since I am impatient and want to see results now....I laxative with strong prescriptive stuff. Thank you, Colombian cousins who brings me drugs from Colombia.

This is me looking ratty like I usually do with an awkward face. Maybe next month I will work on my awkwardness. (also, i really hate it when people take picture of themselves in mirrors, especially when you have an iphone that has that "take a pic of yourself" camera in the front. But I needed a body shot and have no friends.


Why am I blogging?
 To force me to do this, because tomorrow when I wake up to go to work at 6. I might be tempted to snooze it til 6:20.